Dear Baba Atiku,
Congratulations, sir. You’ve officially achieved what no other Nigerian politician has managed in recent memory: losing an election to Bola Tinubu in 2023, then jumping ship from PDP to ADC like a passenger abandoning a sinking canoe, only for your own son to look at the menu, see “Renewed Hope” on special offer, and immediately defect to the ruling APC faster than you can say “structure.”
Abba, the boy you named after yourself (because why not double the brand?), stood at the National Assembly and basically said:
“Dad, your 2023 vibes were cute, but I’ve seen Barau Jibrin’s leadership style and I’m sold. Tinubu is now daddy No. 2. Renewed Hope > whatever hope you were selling.”
He even rebranded his entire political baby — the Haske Atiku Organisation — to Haske Bola Tinubu Organisation. That’s not a defection, sir. That’s a corporate takeover with emotional damage.
You responded like the elder statesman you are: “It’s personal. I respect his conscience.”
Bro, that’s the political equivalent of your wife moving in with the neighbour and you posting “She’s an adult, she makes her own choices” while quietly changing the locks.
We all know you’re hurt. The whole North-East knows. Even the cows in Adamawa are whispering “Abba don collect brown envelope?”
Imagine the family WhatsApp group right now:
- Abba: “Guys, joined APC today. Tinubu 2027 loading 🔥”
- Siblings: “Bro 😭”
- You: “Seen. Personal choice. Continue with your Renewed Hope. Me and my ADC patriots are fine.”
This is peak Nigerian politics: where loyalty lasts only as long as the next better offer, and family meetings are now conducted via press statements.
You spent decades building structures, mobilising youths, promising the youth of Nigeria a better tomorrow — only for your own youth to mobilise for the man who beat you like a rented drum.
They say blood is thicker than water, but apparently brown envelope water is thicker than Atiku blood. Abba didn’t just cross the carpet; he rolled it up, took it to Aso Rock, and used it as a prayer mat for Tinubu’s second term.
So here’s the roast, Baba: You went from “PDP power to the people” → “ADC credible alternative” → “My son says Tinubu is the real deal.” At this rate, by 2027 your next campaign slogan might be “Vote Atiku… or at least vote the man my son endorsed.”
Keep calm and carry on building that coalition, sir. Just maybe install a better parental control app next time. Or at least change the family password from “2023Mandate” to something less ironic.
Yours in bewildered amusement,
A Concerned Nigerian Who Just Wants Consistent Wi-Fi (and Politicians)
P.S. If Abba ever defects back, please let us know in advance. My popcorn supply can’t handle these plot twists.
